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Dear Advice Giant 22

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Dear Advice Giant,

I’m what you’d call ‘scary big’ – 7’ tall, but also broad-shouldered, thick-bodied, hairy, muscular, and hung. The full enchilada. It’s fun being so intimidating, and I love it. One of my favorite pranks is butting right to the front of lines where folks have been waiting for hours or even days. Rarely does anyone protest, but if someone does, I just lift him under the armpits and say, “That’s OK, you were just going home now, weren’t you?” Turns out, I’m right.

Recently I had my pride and joy pierced - my enormous, super-thick anaconda of a cock with its unusually fat head. Because I always think big, instead of just one piercing through the head I got two. They go through my gaping piss slip and out the sides instead of the bottom. Not only does all the gleaming metal draw attention to my oversized tool, but it also looks hot with my fat bull balls. I picked the largest gauge they’d sell me.

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