Dear Advice Giant 77

Dear Advice Giant,

My employer’s sending me for two weeks to another country. I’m thrilled, but it means leaving my couple dozen tinies behind while I’m gone. Since they’re only 3 – 4 inches high, they can’t do much for themselves. I hate to just leave them with kibble and water, so I need a good sitter. Only one of my buddies knows about my little pets.

Big Otis has been fascinated with them ever since I first told him my secret. He’s an usually large, good-hearted guy, but sort of clumsy, perhaps due to his bulky size. He had hamsters for several weeks when we were growing up, so I figure the brief time that they lived taught him how to care for pets. He’s probably more careful now where he sits that huge ass!

Still, I have reservations about his qualifications as a sitter. Several times I’ve seen big Otis with his shorts down, farting right into their aquarium. He says he does it to warm them because I keep my place chilly and my little pets don’t have clothes. Plus he’s just really gassy and has to let it out somewhere. Fair enough.