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Dear Advice Giant 96

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Dear Advice Giant,

Despite my enormous size (6’9”, 400 lbs.), I’m just an ordinary guy. Everyone calls me Beer Can Bob. Not because I like beer, but because of the can-size bulge my soft cock makes in my jeans. I’m straight, but women don’t like me much. That’s probably because I don’t give a shit about all that hygiene crap. I work out a lot but I rarely shower, and ‘friends’ tell me I’m not the best wiper after I take a dump. Well, tough shit. Maybe I don’t like that all perfume stuff they spray on themselves, either.

I’m super horny and cum about a liter at a time – my huge balls are probably a factor. Maybe you’ve seen some of my videos online. I haven’t dated in years because my idea of a good time after a hard days’ work is to kick back with a few beers and have someone lick my nasty hole while I watch TV. Luckily, I have a buddy who takes care of my needs, so I don’t have to put up with any dating bullshit.

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